


Yours to Miss

by lightonthesea (crescenttwins)



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Community: 64damn_prompts, Do-Over, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 04:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19760923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescenttwins/pseuds/lightonthesea
Summary: In which very little changes, and also everything does.A story in 64 sentences about another way Suzaku might have lived.





	Yours to Miss

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Suzaku!

**2 a.m.**  
  
Suzaku is fifteen and living in barracks, laying on sheets that make his skin itch; he closes his eyes and thinks, _This is how I’ll make a difference._  
  


**Metaphor**  
  
_The Honorary Britannian Soldiers program is currently accepting applications of Area 11 citizens,_ the flyer proclaims, lettering only slightly marred by the wrinkles in the paper.  
  
**Sky**  
  
The world is not so different as an Honorary Britannian Soldier: Suzaku eats and trains and falls asleep to the regimented schedules of other men.  
  
**Lost scene**  
  
Suzaku twists his fingers into his bloodied trainee jacket and tears it off; trades it for a nondescript jacket and a cap low over his face; climbs out a window to meet a woman on a motorcycle; wonders if it’s worth it to return.  
  
**Degrees**  
  
Sacrifices must be made for Britannia to change; some sacrifices are easier than others.  
  
**Seize the day**  
  
Their supervisor asks for volunteers, and it was never really a choice.  
  
**Opposite**  
  
Elevens and Japanese are different creatures; there is nothing beautiful about being a Number.  
  
**Passions run**  
  
It was an accident, the doctors tell Suzaku when he awakens, at the joint training exercise between Honorary Britannian Soldiers and the Britannian Military’s Ground Forces.  
  
**Connection**  
  
Suzaku is discharged from the Honorary Britannian Soldiers Training Program after thirteen incidents; his squad leader pats his shoulder when he turns in his uniform.  
  
**Lull and storm**  
  
There is a kind of frustration that builds in Suzaku’s bones, at his own weakness and the men who thought him an easy target: is this what his conviction to change Britannia amounts to?  
  
**Animal**  
  
The Britannians stand on the land the Japanese have cultivated and treat them like cattle.   
  
**Children**  
  
_You’re an idiot_ , Suzaku thinks, and is surprised by how clearly he can remember Lelouch’s voice.  
  
**We all float on**  
  
Suzaku is sixteen and able-bodied; he works jobs for Britannians who pay him under the table at half of what he’s worth, but it’s enough for a small apartment in the slums and a growing sense of emptiness.  
  
**Chess**  
  
At one of his part time jobs, Suzaku hears that noblemen play chess to beautify their gambling; it sounds like the sort of thing Lelouch would like.  
  
**Duty**  
  
Ten months into his discharge, Suzaku is called back to the office of the Honorary Britannian Soldiers program.  
  
**Rip**  
  
They don’t want him as a soldier-- they want him as the face on an ad campaign to convince the Japane-- the _Elevens--_ that things are better than they seem.  
  
**Missing time**  
  
Suzaku thinks of the calluses worn soft on his hands and the ten months where he’s done _nothing_ to change Britannia; thinks of another ten months, another ten years; says _yes._  
  
**Crest**  
  
The Britannian crest is emblazoned on the clothing they give him, so different from the cheap fatigues he wore as a trainee.  
  
**Itch**  
  
Despite being so unnecessarily ornate, the clothing itches terribly.  
  
**Explode**  
  
Suzaku has never been called pretty so much in his _life;_ it gets worse when his embarrassment leads him to glare ( _that’s the smolder!_ the photographer shouts) at the camera.  
  
**Rise**  
  
Suzaku’s rise to fame is nothing short of meteoric: he keeps meeting his own eyes when he glances over the magazines at the store.  
  
**Crumble**  
  
Suzaku is well-known but it is all held in the palm of the Office of the Honorary Britannian Soldiers; he wears fancy costumes and talks about his ideals and has never felt so powerless.  
  
**Range**  
  
They take him to a military carrier, snap photos of him against Knightmare Frames and the sky.  
  
**Fight/flight**  
  
A masked terrorist appears in the city and the military carrier becomes chaotic; the soldiers shove Suzaku aside.  
  
**Acid**  
  
Regret feels like it’s eating Suzaku from the inside out.  
  
**Color**  
  
Soldiers die on the battlefield, both from the Japanese Resistance and the Britannian Military: it can’t be helped.  
  
**Give**  
  
Suzaku has more to give than an ad-campaign for the military, but he doesn’t know where to go, anymore.  
  
**Needle**  
  
Suzaku is waiting for an assistant of a designer to grab a needle when a man in a white lab coat glances over his uniform and marches over to him.  
  
**Locks**  
  
He gets shoved past locked doors and confidential signs and into a Knightmare Frame, the man ( _Lloyd_ , is shouted cheerfully into his ear) chortling all the way.  
  
**Slope**  
  
_It’s a simple test,_ gets sighed to him through the earpiece, _that your compatriots have been singularly terrible at_.   
  
**Correspondence**  
  
Lloyd grins at him when he comes out of the Knightmare Frame, slides a phone into his pocket and says, _I’ll be in touch!_  
  
**Linger**  
  
The next time he goes, there’s a woman with a contract and a flight suit for him.  
  
**Charm**  
  
“You’re such a charming fellow,” Lloyd praises, “carrying around so many contradictions that will get you killed one day.”  
  
**Roads**  
  
Warrant officer, the contract reads: Suzaku can’t bring himself to sign it; _consultant_ , says the contract he signs instead.  
  
**Hunger**  
  
“Nobody but the target is to survive. Is that clear,” the commanding officer states; the soldier in front of him salutes and climbs into the machine; part of Suzaku is selfishly glad that it isn’t him.  
  
**Reciprocity**  
  
In exchange for his services as a test pilot of Lloyd’s machines, they sponsor him to go to school.  
  
**Kind**  
  
Suzaku is seventeen and awkward in front of a classroom; he meets familiar eyes in an older face and thinks that sometimes the world is kind.  
  
**Fruity**  
  
When Suzaku climbs up to the roof, Lelouch meets him with a teasing smile and a horrifyingly familiar perfume sample with Suzaku’s face on it.  
  
**Half-life**  
  
Suzaku’s conviction to change Britannia is a strange thing; it waxes and wanes, lingers in his gut to bring bile to his mouth when he thinks too hard on it.  
  
**Comedy of errors**  
  
“Lloyd, you didn’t tell me you were an _Earl?”_ Suzaku gapes.  
  
**Tragedy**  
  
“Well you didn’t tell _me_ at first that you weren’t a soldier.” Lloyd retorts.  
  
**Hope is the thing with feathers**  
  
“It’s too bad I’ve already gotten used to you,” the earl continues, “I can’t be bothered to go back and get a real one now.”  
  
**Empire**  
  
All roads lead back to the Black Knights, in the end; the terrorist group that is amassing power under a masked man.  
  
**Turpentine kisses and mistaken blows**  
  
“Consultants aren’t supposed to be in battle,” the masked leader says, hacked into his communication lines; Suzaku laughs, bitter around his bitten lip.  
  
**Rings**  
  
Suzaku’s cup leaves a ring of moisture on Lelouch and Nunnally’s table; he wipes it away with his sleeve before they can see.  
  
**Dust**  
  
Suzaku’s first success against the Black Knights makes him a valuable commodity; they send him out again and again.  
  
**Every you, every me**  
  
“It was supposed to be different this time,” Zero says to him, laughing bitterly. “I should have known you were too stubborn to let me change your mind.”  
  
**Project**  
  
“I’m a pet project of the earl,” Suzaku admits to Lelouch carefully, “but I’m also an example of what an Eleven can be. If I do well, it’ll open more doors for Elevens and Honorary Britannians.”  
  
**Adore**  
  
Something inside Suzaku goes bright when he clashes with the Black Knights, the arms of Zero and the Japanese Rebellion; it makes him hit harder, take more risks.  
  
**Murmur**  
  
“Why don’t you go back to the royal family, Lelouch?” Suzaku murmurs, “You could do so much good from the inside.”  
  
**Above**  
  
Suzaku watches his face pass by, emblazoned on the side of a blimp, and tries not to make eye contact with anyone around him.  
  
**Below**  
  
It happens less and less, but the words that are thrown at him sometimes stick unpleasantly to his skin; it feels like grime, dirt underneath the feet of Britannians.  
  
**Incalculable**  
  
Lloyd grins at Suzaku when he enters the hangar, murmuring his own praises for investing in the Eleven.  
  
**Wire**  
  
Suzaku leaps out of his cockpit, crashes on top of the men with guns before they know he’s there; he looks up and makes eye contact with purple eyes and pink hair and something in his chest feels like it’s slipping into place.  
  
**Landslide**  
  
She’s a princess, Suzaku realizes, who talks about equality and bettering the people and all the dreams that Suzaku had been letting fester inside of him.  
  
**The beginning is the end is the beginning**  
  
Lelouch has a strange look on his face, when Suzaku mentions meeting Euphemia.  
  
**Door**  
  
Something has become easier about piloting the Knightmare Frame, when he knows that the royal who he represents is someone who shares his ideals.  
  
**Enemy gate**  
  
“Missed your chance to die again,” Lloyd greets him with when he awakens, “disappointed a lot of nobles, I’m sure!”  
  
**Stone**  
  
Lelouch is more and more busy these days; it makes Suzaku feel lonelier than he expected.  
  
**Bright**  
  
School festivals are _hilarious_ , Suzaku thinks, and keeps passing by Lelouch just to hear the other male croak in indignation and lack of fitness.  
  
**Stories**  
  
There are legends of people with regret so powerful it enabled them to travel in time, sacrificing all the things they loved for the possibility of a better future; Suzaku doesn’t understand why people would choose to relive their personal tragedies.  
  
**Chime**  
  
Suzaku’s phone rarely lights up with notifications about the Black Knights, these days.  
  
**Laugh**  
  
Euphemia laughs as she drags Lelouch into a hug, and the awkwardness of the other male makes Suzaku grin.  
  
**Hold**  
  
Suzaku is nineteen and with his favorite people, staring up at the night sky; he closes his eyes and thinks, _This is how I’ll make a difference._

**Author's Note:**

> Phew, that was a quick little journey! I hope you enjoyed <3
> 
> And a big thank you for reading! I really appreciate and am motivated by comments if you would like to leave one. At the same time, replying gives me a lot of stress-- so even if you don't receive a reply, please know that I treasure your words very much. <3


End file.
